What’s going on!

Whew! I guess we never really know what’s gonna happen when we venture into uncharted territory.

Our ideas, dreams, expectations, and sometimes or ideals get tangled up as we struggle through the final phases of our trek.

Easy beginnings usually make for the most difficult endings, however, that’s not always the case.

For me, writing is as natural as breathing. I’ve always been good at it – so I’ve been told, they’re my stories, so I can’t tell how they would be to some one else. It’s always a thrill when someone likes my mental conjuring, but I don’t really take stock in it; opinions are as fickle and trustworthy as the wind.

So, finally, I share a particular story with a friend – “You should publish this!” I am told.

‘Okay…’ I consider ‘…how do I get published?’

So I start Googling, and reading, and subscribing, and searching, and finally submitting.

It’s not an easy, or a promising endeavor. You gotta be prepared to get your feelings hurt, I mean, some people in the publishing world are NOT NICE!

However, other people are. Also, plan on spending some serious dollars to get your manuscript ready – and that’s before being accepted.

After money spent, a lot of time shoved into the nether world, emotions frazzled, energy lost, and everyone I’ve ever known exhausted by my endless pursuit, I put my precious manuscript in the closet with all the other stories, tales, poems, and other mischievous secrets that are hidden from the eyes of the universe; story told, life in the bilges, hanging on, screaming that it wants to live a little longer – ‘don’t worry’ I whisper soothingly, ‘I’ll come back for you when I make it big, then people will want to know you, then people will learn of your magnificence.’ I then work on the next life that my mind has invoked for me to live – and it’s a good one, I mean, it’s really, really good.

So I excitedly start searching, and researching, and listing, and formatting, and writing, and typing… and someone wants to read the ‘other’ book, you know, the one I already put away. “Sure,” I say, perhaps a little too enthusiastically…

And, WHAM – I’m suddenly a published author – dream achieved! But wait! What, what is this you are telling me? I’m a… a public figure? You mean I have to …talk to people?

Okay, seriously, I knew I would have to talk to people, I’m not stupid… not really. But I figured I’d be hiding behind a desk and a pen while talking to people who hang on my every word because they don’t care what I say as long as I write another book – hey, I’m okay with that!

But NOOOOOOOO, that’s not what’s expected of me. I must wear… clothes, and not just jeans and t-shirt clothes, I mean, go to the store, pants that match the shirt, with shoes that match everything, and the hair, and the nails, and the… Awe heck, you mean I gotta be a GIRL! Yea, I know I’m a girl, OF COURSE I KNOW I’M A GIRL! That’s not the issue, I’m so okay with being a girl as long as I don’t gotta act like one – ew, they’re so… girly. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a woman, and I enjoy men… I so enjoy men (when they’re not being stupid).

Not only that, but I gotta get up and read – in front of people (thank goodness I’m reading something I like – that’s all I got to say about that one!) And I gotta talk to everyone, and give interviews and, and, interact with… strangers!

Yeah, we really don’t know what we’re getting into when we start a new adventure, I mean, even when we have a pretty good idea… even when we do know what we’re up against… until you’re actually living it, you don’t honestly know it.

Just saying…

Fear has found me once again. As I forward copies of my treasured ‘Fate’ for reviews, I realize that I’m afraid. “Why?” I ask. I know the story is good, I am reassured at every pass how good it is. I speak of my shortcomings without the intent of easing my insecurities, I only need to express my feelings, to lay them out, to tell myself that I am the same person I was before my publisher told me he wanted to print my book.

I relish the emotion, the feelings I had, but as overjoyed as my feelings are, they are undermined by my insecurities stemmed from a life-time of feeling that ‘I’m not good enough’. These are but demons hiding in the id, surfacing long enough to reassure me that I am as human today as I was yesterday; reassuring me that I am still awed by the fact that someone read my imaginings and thought it was good enough to invest their time, effort, and money to produce.

As nerve-wracking as the insecurities are, I welcome them without embracing them. I know that there will be people that don’t like what I write, and that’s okay, because, regardless of how many hate it, there is that one person that thought it was worth it, and that is a wonderful feeling-even if it’s only one person, one fellow writer made my life awesome, right here, right now, my life is awesome-because of one person.

But it’s the people who have faith in a story they’ve never read. Who’ll read the story just because I wrote it, who make my life amazing. Even if they hate the story, the fact that they are as excited as I am about being published-though I really hope they like it-it is enough.

Blessed art thou…

I normally try to stay neutral with my web posting, not because I don’t believe in God, and certainly not because I have no faith in what I believe, but out of respect for all of my readers; now and in the future. However, at this time, I feel it necessary to make the one and only comment that regards God.
Through this whole process of writing, rewriting, editing, submitting, rewriting, re-editing, and re-submitting, and finally, finding a publisher who liked my writing so much that he decided to put my story in print; I am amazed about the sheer number of people who have come forward to show their support, not only for me, but for Michael, who is preparing to leave an a two-year service mission for our church, and Lorelei, soon to be married to a man we both believe to be her soul-mate.
Although life has hit me with a triple whammy, it’s not three strikes it has hit me with, but three home-runs! It can’t have been better planned if I’d planned it myself.
 Thank-you to my family and friends; without whom I would not have had the courage to send my ramblings out to the universe; I would especially like to take this moment to thank to my Heavenly Father and His son, my Savior, Jesus Christ, who carries me through the harsh realities and sets me to soar through the heavens. I must be one of the most blessed people alive!